Understanding and Dealing with Stonewalling
Stonewalling is a term often used in psychology and therapy circles, but it’s not always well-understood outside of these contexts. It’s a behavior that can cause significant distress in relationships, and understanding it is the first step towards addressing it effectively. In this article, we will delve into what stonewalling is, why it happens, and how to deal with it.
What is Stonewalling?
Stonewalling is a term coined by psychologist Dr. John Gottman, referring to a situation where one person in a relationship withdraws from interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the other person. It’s a defensive mechanism that can manifest as silence, changing the subject, or physically leaving the conversation. While it can occur in any type of relationship, it’s most commonly discussed in the context of romantic partnerships.
Why Does Stonewalling Happen?
Stonewalling often occurs when an individual feels overwhelmed or attacked. It’s a way of self-protection, a method to cope with feelings of fear, anxiety, or a perceived threat. However, it’s important to note that stonewalling is not a healthy or productive way to deal with these feelings. It can lead to a breakdown in communication and cause further harm to the relationship.
How to Recognize Stonewalling
Recognizing stonewalling can be challenging, especially if it’s a pattern that has been established over a long period. Some signs of stonewalling include:
1. Consistent silence or refusal to engage in conversation.
2. Frequently changing the subject to avoid certain topics.
3. Physically leaving or distancing oneself during a discussion.
4. Displaying a lack of emotional response or expression.
How to Deal with Stonewalling
Dealing with stonewalling can be difficult, but it’s not impossible. Here are some strategies that can help:
1. Understand the Root Cause
Understanding why the person is stonewalling can be a significant first step. Are they feeling overwhelmed, attacked, or threatened? Understanding the root cause can help in addressing the issue effectively.
2. Open Communication
Open and honest communication is key. Express your feelings and concerns about the stonewalling behavior in a non-confrontational manner. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as “I feel ignored when you don’t respond to my questions.”
3. Seek Professional Help
If stonewalling continues despite your efforts, it may be beneficial to seek professional help. A trained therapist or counselor can provide tools and techniques to address stonewalling and improve communication. At Rekindle Wellness Psychiatric Centre, we offer a range of services to help individuals and couples navigate these challenges. You can learn more about our services on our website, [Rekindle Wellness](https://rekindlewellness.com/).
4. Practice Self-Care
Dealing with stonewalling can be emotionally draining. It’s important to take care of your own mental health during this process. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing, and consider seeking support from trusted friends or family members.
Conclusion
Stonewalling can be a challenging behavior to deal with, but understanding it is the first step towards addressing it effectively. By recognizing the signs, understanding the root cause, and employing strategies such as open communication, professional help, and self-care, it’s possible to navigate this issue and work towards healthier communication patterns.
Remember, mental health is as important as physical health, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you or someone you know is struggling with stonewalling or other communication issues, don’t hesitate to reach out to professionals like us at Rekindle Wellness Psychiatric Centre. We’re here to help.
References
1. Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown Publishers.
2. Gottman, J. M. (1993). The roles of conflict engagement, escalation, and avoidance in marital interaction: a longitudinal view of five types of couples. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 61(1), 6.
3. Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14‐year period. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 737-745.